[dustzee]

I think as I tried to move on, I recovered a part of myself again.

When I was with you, I became another person. It was the person I wanted to be, but it wasn't me. It's a make believe me. I didn't feel happy. I felt I was cheating you and I was cheating myself.

I became very emotional. I had mood swings and I alternate between flooding you with intense attention and ignoring you altogether. Though I also feel you did the same to me, but I was doing it a lot more. And I did it first. So I have no complains.

I sometimes wonder if I was single, could we have make it to become a couple. There were a few mood swing problems we faced, but we were so good before I started finding reasons to fight. If I was single, would we be able to pull through?

I wish there was a parallel universe which this could happen. I was single, and you were there to meet me when I was. In fact, if we have met 6 years ago under the same circumstances, things would have been very different. You would like me a lot more in those days. We would have dated, laughed, held hands, kissed, like every other couples did. Now we getting part of that because we can't really date. We hugged, we kissed, and it was all in stolen moments.

I won't deny that I sometimes still feel sore about burning the bridge. There were times I wondered if burned bridge can be restored. But I have decided to move on, to keep a little dignity for myself, and for you. I won't go back there.

This is the first time in my life, when I break up with someone at the most intense moment. I guess it's a confusing one for you. It's tearing me apart.

The concept of morality is very abstract. Why does loving you feel so right, when it is wrong. Why do I get hurt when I'm trying to make things right now?

My comfort comes from knowing from my friends who have been through this, that this is a phase. Something we can outgrow.

I always knew that in a heartbreak, it is a good time to start loving yourself again. I know you have no problem doing that, though you sometimes are emotional and cry too easily. You always take good care of yourself. And I am sure you are going to come out ok.

I will be ok too, I always will be.