my affair with my sis in law

[oLdMaN68]

Originally Posted by MarsIswar

We human are made of flesh n blood , feeling and emotion are wat control us.... 人非圣贤 ,谁能无错

what a good saying, and a good excuse.

How about 早知如此，何必当初？

TS see it coming, and can do nothing about it? Nope, he could had divorce his wife, and have a hard time from her family, also jeopardizing sil's live. But he choose to have a easy way out, choose to have the best of both world, quote from the e-mail 'both of us often refuse to accept reality', so he just have to bear the consequence.
Yes it is always sad in any unfruitful relationship, but life still goes on, like the Cantonese saying - if you wanna eat salted fish, you must be able to endure the thirst. so take care bro, all the best.

P.S. sad to heard about the betrayal of your wife too, maybe you have deeper thoughts about it?

[MarsIswar]

Originally Posted by oLdMaN68

what a good saying, and a good excuse.

How about 早知如此，何必当初？

TS see it coming, and can do nothing about it? Nope, he could had divorce his wife, and have a hard time from her family, also jeopardizing sil's live. But he choose to have a easy way out, choose to have the best of both world, quote from the e-mail 'both of us often refuse to accept reality', so he just have to bear the consequence.
Yes it is always sad in any unfruitful relationship, but life still goes on, like the Cantonese saying - if you wanna eat salted fish, you must be able to endure the thirst. so take care bro, all the best.

P.S. sad to heard about the betrayal of your wife too, maybe you have deeper thoughts about it?

Dude there nothing such as 早知如此 , if you are able to, y not tell us here the 1st price toto number of tonight , have you heard of the quote : 失败乃成功之母 and taken from the person who gave you light bulb :
If someone feel that they have never commit a mistake in life, it only mean they have never try a new thing in their life (Einstein) or y not this
In a day ,when you don't come across any problem, you can be sure that you are traveling on the wrong path of life.(swami vivekananda)
P.s we are here to care and share not rub salt into one wound, unless you can tell me that you have never commit a mistake in your life & if that is so than look on the on top above 2 point and you will know where you are heading to.. Peace and prost

[seowlang]

[QUOTE=oLdMaN68;6318552]what a good saying, and a good excuse.

How about 早知如此，何必当初？

TS see it coming, and can do nothing about it? Nope, he could had divorce his wife, and have a hard time from her family, also jeopardizing sil's live. But he choose to have a easy way out, choose to have the best of both world, quote from the e-mail 'both of us often refuse to accept reality', so he just have to bear the consequence.
QUOTE]

sorry guys for taking awhile. been really busy at work. finally found some time and would prefer to reply to earlier questions posted to me but thought i would like to answer oldman68's one first.

i think there are quite a few who empathize with my predicament while several comdemning what i have done. for those who empathize, i believe its not so much condoning my actions but rather, felt for someone who fell, right or wrong aside.

like i said way earlier, i have my reasons for posting here and getting sympathy is definitely not one of them. let me repost what i have written earlier:

quote
Mine is to share this very dark inner secret of mine for 2 reasons. The first reason is bcos I wanted to release what is being penned up in me. I freely admit that I really enjoyed the physical intimacies that J and I had. In the last 2 weeks that I was writing it, I actually relived those moments and no surprisingly, they are still so vivid in my mind. She was perhaps one of the best woman I have ever made love with. I still think about it very often till today. However, the emotional baggage, the trauma, the heartache and the pain that come with it bcos she is my SIL hurt both of us very badly. I have not revealed this relationship to anyone for the last 2 years (except my best friend whom only know the tip of the iceberg.) and writing it actually was like a way of letting and releasing it out.


The 2nd reason is to share with bros here. Many, including me, are highly charged hot blooded men who may be tempted to commit acts that they may live to regret forever. I am not condoning commercial sex but what I have done is worst than that because it involved feelings and a next of kin to my wife. I aint no saint (i have already given a bare it all account), and it was a painful lesson especially for my SIL. After what we had gone through, I really hope no one will ever need to suffer from such a situation.
unquote

as you can see, my objectives are rather clear. i take heart that there are several bros who are close to committing what i have done but have now taken a step back and think. NO, its not a noble act coming from a SINNER but if i have learnt my lesson, wouldnt i hope that no one will go through it again?

i have fallen into a manhole and crawled out battered but alive. looking over my shoulders, i see ppl walking along this dangerous path. i would still do what i have done.. to warn others even though they are perfect strangers to me.

[seowlang]

suddenly thought of an analogy that came to my mind.

i suppose i was a pedestrian crossing a busy street. there is a traffic light ahead (the right path) but i chose to jay walk due to laziness (lust in my case).

unfortunately (for those who empathize with me), i got knocked down by a car and lost both my legs permanently. yes, i didnt obey traffic rules (morality) but somehow its a real pity that i lost my limbs due to my laziness. many (the 'empathizers') would feel for me even though i was wrong to Jay walk.

However, i am sure there are a group (pardon me if i group it as the 'condemners' now) who think that laziness (lust) is not a freaking excuse. therefore, losing my limbs is the result of my action and therefore, doesnt deserve anything more than condemnation.

[acidicavex]

Originally Posted by seowlang

suddenly thought of an analogy that came to my mind.

i suppose i was a pedestrian crossing a busy street. there is a traffic light ahead (the right path) but i chose to jay walk due to laziness (lust in my case).

unfortunately (for those who empathize with me), i got knocked down by a car and lost both my legs permanently. yes, i didnt obey traffic rules (morality) but somehow its a real pity that i lost my limbs due to my laziness. many (the 'empathizers') would feel for me even though i was wrong to Jay walk.

However, i am sure there are a group (pardon me if i group it as the 'condemners' now) who think that laziness (lust) is not a freaking excuse. therefore, losing my limbs is the result of my action and therefore, doesnt deserve anything more than condemnation.

I would remain on neutral ground nor supporting or condemning. However right and wrong is just a line draw in between. You cross it you face it that is always the case.

Like a thread post "the one you married is not the one you love" or something. Maybe you once really love the wife or what but there will be a time in life someone will appear and you will give her your everything.......... but just to realise that you are not eligible to give her the happiness she deserve.

[seowlang]

no worries. of course, there are also people (neutrals) that take such accidents as part of the statistics. nothing wrong with that. cheers

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by niceboyatsg

Hi TS, ur SIL really a nice gal.
Btw, got question on my mind, is your wife helping your SIL in all her expenses in school? or your mother in Law does? Or you give financial supports to your SIL and that's the reason why she really loves you just in return. or maybe your affair with your SIL really real? and no money involves as she still studying.

my MIL is helping in her expenses in school back then. i dont have to support her studies.

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by randyboy73

I cried while reading the email from J.......

Was awash with emotions, having felt the pain and suffering communicated thru her words. Listening to the song heightened the heartfelt emotions. I am sure you would have wished to have reach out to her as you were reading it....

Bro, u know what? your signature is the post that brought a smile to my face today. glad u found the one. cheers

[seowlang]

I just want to dwell on this topic again since its one of those points brought up many times. "Why commit when u know it will never have a good ending?" or "u should have exited once u see yr sil having feelings for u".

somehow, i was trapped bcos i started putting feelings into the affair and i couldnt exit. that probably begs the question: why enter in the first place???

i hope u guys can really touch your heart and answer this question if u were in my situ. can you really resist if someone you have fantasized, moves up close to you and caress you? will u be able to push her away and say no?
ok, u guys know my answer. I cant fucking do that. i recently read about Sex and Zen II (the HK 3D R(A) show) and understand that one part of the show was censored. it was the part where a monk, who maintained his celibacy for 50 yrs, was seduced by a demon and gave in to lust. Sorry, no offence to buddhists here (and i am not pulling religion into this, trust me), but it kind of struck a cord within me that even the holiest men on earth fall for human sins. of cos the show was a fictional one but i think u get my point.

i was filled with lust for J and initially, i really thought that my friend, ah keong, was right. probably she needed sex and she looked for me. thus, for that initial period, i went IN, literally, not thinking much except sex with mutual concensus.

Now, alarming bells should have rang the moment she poured out her feelings and cried isnt it? (to those who hasnt read the whole thread its at post #168.) i dont know if anyone of u has ever experience having your partner crying out loudly within 10 mins after having sex. it scared the shit out of me. those words spoken were human feelings. it didnt help that my weakest point is to see a woman cry. call it whatever, but dont u always wanna protect a woman when they show u their ultimate sign of weakness ie tears? not only lovers, but even your mother, sister or even a good friend. u would want to lend your shoulder. at that point, it was probably the best to pull out as i wasnt giving any feelings yet. but i wanted to make sure that J would be alright, minimum damaged/hurt inflicted and do well for her exams.

I can tell you that several parts of the conversations i have given here are very very much exactly the words she said to me bcos those words were so genuine and real that its hard to forget. especially in post #168 when she told me why she still wanted to come my place even though she hesitated several times. and at the pub when she confessed to me when she started having feelings for me.

in my life, i have never met a woman who is so open in her feelings (no even my wife). this is not always a good thing. we humans also have a defence mechanism working inside us. Its akin to never truely revealing your savings/cash to your spouse. not because u wanna do something that u do not want her/him to know, but u want to have something to fall back on in case the relationship doesnt work out. probably we learnt it the hard way from past experience and this leads us to be defensive. we always keep a certain part of our thoughts/words to ourselves and not tell our partners/spouses. bcos we do not want to be hurt and have something to fall back on later should something unfortunate happens.

however, in J, she is one that doesnt hide her feelings and expresses it out so willingly and clearly. its in this vulnerability within her that i really want to protect her. this of course contradicts since im married to her sis but its a case of wanting to guide her to safely onto the shores but in the end, swam deeper into the ocean.

the point of no return was probably when she sang that song to me at the pub. it was really very touching for a girl to pluck up her courage to sing in public. for me at least. when i breached the point of no return, i really wasnt thinking except to live day by day. i have never been so myopic in my entire life, but such was the power of love.

[patrickzapu]

Hi bro, certain secrets are better to bring to grave, so i believe u must have sigh and pour all our here.....think u must hv felt better........at least all that happened and ended has been confined to both u & J, without hurting others......so, on u go with life mate.....

[randyboy73]

Originally Posted by seowlang

Bro, u know what? your signature is the post that brought a smile to my face today. glad u found the one. cheers

Life always has a habit of throwing curve balls. We search for our ideals and just when we give up and settle for the next best thing, the one that you have been waiting for arrives.

IMHO, this thread is so fantastic not becos of the raunchy and sexy bits. It is also not about the fantasy that most of us guys have (trust me on this when I say that I know this for a fact as my SIL who is a PRC and I have sparks flying all over the shop when we are in the same room). It is about the lessions that I learnt (macham in school):

1. We bear the consequences of our actions, no matter how minute or severe
2. Making decisions at cross roads of life is always a bitch. You never know which way to go and which is a blind alley till its too late
3. We only live once, so make the most of our lives. Some bros in TS's situation would have said to the SIL " Lets elope and to hell with the consequences", yet others would choose the noble way out and say "let's put a stop to this underground relationship"
4. When sharing our life experiences in SBF, its not about getting points or zapping... its about SHARING.... no condemnation, no accusations, just plain ole simple sharing between folks who have been caught between a rock and a hard place
5. Bystanders do on most occasion have a clearer and untainted perspective of issues, but sometimes, when we dont have all the facts, we should refrain from making harsh comments

Bro Seowlang, I felt the emotions cos I am going thru a divorce after 11 years of marriage. Do I love my wife? Yes I do, but love has varying levels and types. I realise that I have become more of a soul mate and a friend to her. Yes, I did the husband thing in terms of emotional support, waiting while she manicures and pedicures... fetch her from work, etc, but there was always something missing.... with her, I had never thrown my head back in laughter and feel the sense of longing and belonging.. I could have done the easy thing and pretend all is well. In the past 15 years (pak tor included), I had 3 chances to walk away from this relationship, but the third time is the only time I decided to live with the consequences of my action by proposing a divorce. Only time will tell if I made the right decision...

I only wish for the best for you......

[acidicavex]

I understand thinking back once

about my scandal it turn from lust > and got more and more complicated.

It sound same but she ain't my SIL or anything just someone a met whom is much much younger. But was so expressive and she know the way thru a man heart that got be sunk deeper...... From Lust > to a complicated and messy issue.

[Octo1337]

This is the first time I've read a story being so . . . focused, not about the lustful and intimate moments, but about the whole overall of your story. I really can't help but to have even brought myself to tears upon reading it. It's just so sweet and touching to read this whole story, considering how it's so, realistic. Not like some fantasy story, it's like real, reality and all.

Most other stories I read, all I want to do is just skip to and read the parts involving all the sexy moments. But upon reading yours, I've been after the whole story, considering how hard it is for you to take this. If it was for me to have someone I love so much and had fantasized about to be so deeply in love with me, I would give everything in the world for her. But seeing how you are still so attached to your wife as your relationship is good, being very hard to give up either, was really . . . touching in a way?

Upon seeing how hard you have to deal with this painful situation of either giving up the one you are "Sworn to be with forever by this thing called marriage." Or the one whom you "Have feeling just overflowing for". I know it's really hard to deal with, but life is just like that, one just cannot have both like it's so easy. Cheer up!!

I may not know you, I may be young and had only been in two relationships. But at least I want to let you know that your story, it had really touched my heart even though I am a guy. I'm the kind of people who isn't really much of an "Avid Reader" In my life, I have barely touched books nor liked reading, and it seemed your story is really very Nice, touching, full of emotions and overall, very real. I'm not really sure if it's real because I've only read your posts on the story itself. But it really looks like the kind of thing one would have to deal with in life. It's not just some fancy pansy fantasy.

Hope to see more from you as your story is really nice. Cheers!!

[seowlang]

Bro Randyboy73,

I am sorry to hear about the divorce. 15 years is a long time.. how many 15 years do we have in our lives?

nonetheless, i wish u well and hope u can find happiness in your new found love. not sure if u have kids but it will be even harder if u have little ones.

cheers
seowlang

PS. yr ending with 'i only wish the best for u' reminds me of a song i love to bits.. heard of this one??

[patrickzapu]

[QUOTE=randyboy73;6319434]Life always has a habit of throwing curve balls. We search for our ideals and just when we give up and settle for the next best thing, the one that you have been waiting for arrives.

Bro, what happen??? Me also long marriage for 17 yrs liao, sometimes, the temptation to live again is so much..........but also need to consider the kids and others.....what made u do so after 11 yrs???